I had been looking for purpose and significance my whole life, but it always eluded me. As a Muslim, I spent decades always trying to please God, fasting often and making more pilgrimages than any of my peers. I was the most devoted Muslim in my family. From the beginning, I prepared myself to become an imam, a teacher of the Qur’an. There was no higher aspiration. Still, no matter what I did, God always seemed far off, cold, and vengeful.
My mother was a dominant figure in my life, encouraging me to strictly follow the yearly fasts, to give to the poor and to pray multiple times a day. This shaped my life. Zealous to an extreme, I spent all my savings to go on a pilgrimage trip to Mecca just before entering university. I expected to experience some great spiritual awakening, but I felt as dry as a grain field in August. My religion was lifeless and empty. I wondered, how could God ignore me like this?
It was then that I began searching for something more, praying from my heart and looking for answers. Nothing changed for several years, and I became desperate. Then, another student sent me a link to some online Christian sermons, and I listened, stunned. It was like the preacher was speaking directly into my life! I somehow found the courage to contact the church and began to meet with others and have conversations about Jesus. It was in those moments that I finally felt like someone was speaking my language. It was exactly what I needed to hear. This was the God that I was searching for - not a God of vengeance, but a God of love.
When they explained God’s message about reconciliation through Jesus, there was no hesitation in my heart. I knew I wanted to be baptized. It was a radical transformation, yes. But then my whole childhood had trained me to be radical. Since my baptism, I have sought to grow in my faith, and my joy is overflowing. Pray for me. It is not easy or safe to follow Jesus here, and I know that I will face great persecution. But I am determined to tell others about Jesus, and to speak to them in this new language of forgiveness, redemption, and love.
