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The End of Myself

So many people are being tried and tested in new ways during this pandemic, reaching the end of their rope, coming to the end of their own strength. This has also been my experience. God has been bringing me to the end of myself. As I have sought to disciple others during this time of crisis, so many times I just do not know what to say or do. I am forced to go to God in desperate prayer.

Then I see him act.

Recently a friend of mine named Kouji reached the end of himself also. Kouji had once gone, rather unwillingly, to a gospel music concert three years ago. He had been surprised there by the healing presence of Jesus. Since then, he had visited church off and on, but never fully surrendered his life and his will to Jesus. Then COVID-19 happened.

Kouji was one of many that lost their jobs during the shutdown. He came to a place where he knew he would not be able to pay his rent. It was a moment of personal crisis and shame for him. He had vowed that he would never ask anyone for money, but he knew he had to ask for help. So, even though it felt shameful to him, he asked me to lend him money. Then the night before we met, he had a dream which he believed was from God.  

Kouji dreamed that a typewriter was pounding out a message, saying, “It’s okay. You can break your vow. Later, I will give you a chance to help someone else and your shame will be erased. This is something I want you to know – when there is no one else to help you, I will help you myself.” 

Because of the dream, Kouji was able to receive God’s blessing through me. The next day we talked about the dream as we were walking the streets, having no place to sit down because of the lockdown. I assured him that God was real, and at work in his life. 

That night in a dark and empty park, Kouji prayed to receive Jesus as his Savior and his Lord. God used the desperation of his situation to bring him to the end of himself, and into a deeper, more intimate relationship with his Son. May he do this for us all.

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