We had just finished settling the children when my colleague suddenly asked, “Where is Milly?”
I had gradually been gaining the trust of the children at the kindergarten. All except for four-year old Milly. In addition to her strong personality, she had a significant delay in her cognitive development, which meant she had trouble adapting to change. As a new teacher, I posed a particularly big challenge for her.
Heaving a sigh, I set off in search of Milly, the runaway.
While searching, I admitted to myself how hard it was proving to establish a bond with this little girl. She often completely ignored both me and any boundaries I set. Usually, I did not have trouble bonding with children, so what was I doing wrong? With these thoughts racing through my mind, I eventually found Milly happily playing in the gym with children from another group.
Later, I poured out my heart to an older colleague. “Johanna,” she told me, “with Milly, affection comes first, then discipline. If you spend time with her and win her over with love, she will eventually listen to you and respect you.” Feeling convicted, I realized that I had been trying to gain Milly’s respect, without first winning over her heart.
I decided to spend more time playing, reading, exploring, and laughing with Milly. Despite her antics and tantrums, she was a unique child! Yet, weeks later, there was still no breakthrough in our relationship. Then, a particularly bad wave of illness hit the kindergarten. I was responsible for the group for a whole week, and Milly was one of the few children present.
I knew I had to focus on loving her. I thought about how my heavenly Father loved me unconditionally, even when I was still a rebellious child. Romans 5:8 says that “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Now, when this loving Father calls me to trust him, I don’t run away in fear, because of how he first loved me. Could I love Milly like that?
As the week passed, I sensed a gradual shift. Milly began seeking me out and greeting me by name. By the end of the week, she actually called me over at naptime, and fell asleep peacefully at my side! Now, Milly is no longer a runaway.
